Welcome to D*ck n B*lls Tower!
What’s it like to live and work deep in forested isolation at a fire tower for six months of the year? While battling mental instability. And the medication prescribed for it. And your Mother. And your Maker. And your Maker’s assassins who see you as nothing more than an easy piece of meat supported by two edible stilts. And inappropriate behaviour around your female supervisor’s posterioso perfectus. And a tendency to enter your wiener boat in too many spankathons. And a multitude of other questionable habits. And, and, and, ad infinitum.
Oh, Tony. Tch, tch, tch.
Meet Tony Butterworth (and his unfortunate sidekick, “Gorby”), a fifteen-year veteran of forestry’s seasonal Game of Towers. A secret worshipper at the altar of that delectable skankstress, Muffy—sixty kilometers to his southeast. Co-conspirator and trusty lookout for Dingleberries’ infamous “Turd Burglar,” Boogie Bowshaw. Sufficiently obsessed with the legendary tower duo, D*ck n B*lls. Novice Cornholer. Whisper Gardell’s new reluctant boyfriend.
Oh, Tony. It’s Uncle Bonzo, mate. Can you smell the shrimp on the barbie? Why don’t you drop in and join us for a round. Where for art thou? Tony. We miss you.
“Hysterical and inventive … an ingenious and brilliant work of art … I won’t be forgetting it any time soon.”
“If I had to summarize this cocktail of insanity, I’d say get a tall glass, add one shot of Terry Pratchett, a healthy measure of Hunter S. Thompson, top up with some Jim Jefferies and garnish with one of those special mushrooms people aren’t supposed to eat….”
“The plot is quirky and completely unique … the narrative throughout is wonderfully vivid and descriptive … this novel will make you laugh but also shed a tear….”
Miss Nude Canada's Shoes(And Other Fiascos) Act I * Greenhorn
2020 Readers’ Favorite Book Award Winner
Sooner or later, everyone comes face to face with a fiasco— even the innocent, angelic types like Miss Nude Canada circa 1986. Generally speaking, fiascos, which thankfully come in many different forms, are events where the caca hits the fan; there’s failure, breakdown or catastrophe of some sort and everything just slithers off of the rails in a sickening, sideways fashion. Human idiocy, in all of its glorious manifestations, is often the fiasco’s prime catalyst with ego-squashing humiliation its necessary outcome. Fiasco-prone humans with an above-average surplus of caca-splattered fan-blades in their closets have many (sordid) tales to tell. Mr. Pearson, the floor is all yours....
In the classroom, on stage, in a canal, in a strip club. In a helicopter, on a bicycle, with Scientologists, in a courtroom. Across Canada, Down Under, in California and Mexico and beyond. And the question then begs to be asked: is life just one, long, continuous chain of calamitous fiascos?? (Answer inside).
“Certain scenes had me laughing out loud and then there were literally pages upon pages that I wanted to revisit and experience once again.”
“Witty and compelling ... insanely funny stories.”
“Author Jeff Pearson has a totally charming, witty, and intelligent presence that runs through the narration of this book....”
“Jeff Pearson has a way of molding life and moments, some perfect and others that are at times very scary, into a whirlpool of words that the reader is able to step into and experience for themselves. Miss Nude Canada’s Shoes is the most brought-to-life memoir I’ve read, and I have read a few in my day.”
Miss Nude Canada's Shoes(And Other Fiascos) Act II * Yukon
In bars and taverns, on a Reserve, in a motel room, on a mine site. On lakes and rivers, in a canoe, on a raft, in the backcountry, on top of a moose. With homeless hobos in an inner city slum. And the question then begs to be asked: is life just one, long, continuous chain of calamitous fiascos??
“Readers who enjoy candid storytelling will find that Pearson leaves no stone unturned in order to paint the portrait of his adventures, engrossing readers with vivid depictions of persons and places.... ‘Yukon’ is a superb read highly recommended for memoir and comedy fans everywhere.”
Miss Nude Canada's Shoes(And Other Fiascos) Act III * Hodgepodge
On a motorcycle, in a bus, on a scooter, in hiking boots. With humans, with dogs, with Tasmanian devils and angels. Either sober, hammered, high, or hungover. In Thailand, Argentina, Nepal, and, of course, Canada. And the question then begs to be asked: is life just one, long, continuous chain of calamitous fiascos?? (Answer inside).
“Author Jeff Pearson’s work only increases in quality as the stories keep coming.... Overall, you should certainly read all of Jeff Pearson’s amazing life stories for the full effect, and ‘Hodgepodge’ will be the cherry on top of a high-quality memoir series.”
Miss Nude Canada's Shoes(And Other Fiascos) Acts I, II & III
An epic trilogy of fiascos, mayhem, and adventure, all rolled into one raucous ride!
"Don’t let the title fool you. Although exotic dancing shoes and drug and alcohol-fuelled fiascos play their part—often humorous or horrifying (which one, exactly, depends on the disposition of the reader)—Pearson’s memoir has depth and is peppered with heartwarming and occasionally heartbreaking tales.
Miss Nude Canada’s Shoes collects tales ranging from Pearson’s childhood in Small Town Canada in the seventies to adventures abroad as a young adult. The subject matter of the stories is as vast as their geography. From bullying and mental illness, to paranormal mysteries of the Universe, to harrowing international adventures and, closer to home, life or death paddles on the Yukon River. The result: a compelling, distinctly Canadiana read."
"Miss Nude Canada's Shoes (And Other Fiascos) is a very entertaining autobiographical read. The book is a high-flying rollercoaster ride detailed by the author of his personal life adventures travelling around the world. If you enjoyed reading Jon Krakauer's, "Into the Wild," then Miss Nude Canada's Shoes (And Other Fiascos) is a must read for you."
"Buckle up for a wild ride! Jeff Pearson’s many adventures are told with humour, honesty, and a keen wit. Zig-zagging through time and place, his zest for life is evident. Combine a sharp mind and descriptive writing style with some unusual exploits, and you have a great read."